all men of faith have courage [ happy new year ]
i spent the spring writing love poems again. i was sick again and spent hundreds of dollars in the emergency room — some odd swelling in my eye, in my jaw. i was in love all spring again and it never got easier. i went to the ocean a lot, meant to go more. my grandmother died, and i got the unbelievable privilege of literally helping to bury her. i spent a lot of time thinking about adaptation and truth. i was a bridesmaid. i fell in love with with florida for three weeks. i lived for the summer in one of my favorite places and swam and wrote and listened to the radio and slept in the room with yellow flowers on the dim wallpaper. i called the cops on my brother. i thought a lot about women. i found a friend who i could sing with. i stopped carrying my phone everywhere, stopped using the internet on my phone. i thought about friendship and the internet and photography and how much i miss taking pictures, real pictures. i cried in the same room as my parents twice. i went to new york and it was not the same new york that i’d loved in 2011. i went to church for the first time with no particular reason, and cried during the sermon. my friend becca died, and i made friends with the people becca had loved, and found that i loved them too, that they were my people, made sense to me. i had more poems accepted this year than any other year so far — 15 poems. i can’t say anything to summarize the year — ‘it was a good year’ ? ‘it was a year of change’ ? no, no, no. it was a year and now we’re in another. new day.
i want to have courage this year. that’s my resolution for 2013 — to have courage. many many things are about to change, and i’d like to walk towards all of them as i would towards light. that’s what most important. the thing is to keep moving.
photograph taken by siena. boston, dec. 30th, 2012