what they don’t tell you is that loving someone is not enough. this is one of the great tragedies of love. how inaccurate our colloquialisms are sometimes; it isn’t possible to love the hell out of any person. our hells our private. hell is other people, wrote sartre, which does not exclude the fact of privacy. your misery is refundable, they say; let me buy you a drink, they say. there is slang I like, the term suck. To suck, to draw into the mouth — the term implies the withdrawal of energy, a draining. to tell someone they suck, and really mean it, ah, the satisfying accuracy. love and hate, both suck, any big emotion that causes a change in a person on a chemical level sucks. it isn’t bad, not necessarily, all this suckage. sometimes you get something in return, there’s some satisfaction, as in after the long pull on a straw stuck in a thick milkshake…. but that’s not exactly the suck i mean. did you know — some dragonflies have been known to eat hummingbirds? have you seen a hummingbird rest on a branch? it’s the strangest thing, and until i saw one resting on a branch one day in arkansas, i didn’t realize that i’d always assumed somehow that hummingbirds never stopped, never slept, never (somehow) nested. i’d imagined this unreasonable situation – a bird dependent on movement, that would die if it was not in motion. but, i guess, everything that has a heart must come to rest sometime.